loser.
feels like a complete loser.
why do i always have to feel like one whenever i go to a new school/ environment?
why can't i just excel in the things i do, just like others?
why do i always end up lagging behind all my peers until the last minute?
i have been chasing, chasing ever since i came to singapore 8++ years back. i have been trying so hard, to catch up with everyine else, so that i won't be left behind. but what do i get in the end?
totally drained and exhausted.
just when i thought i have finally caught up with everyone else, when i thought i have finally slow my pace down a bit, when i thought i can relax and enjoy the scenery...
i fall again.
even though it is not a major fall (i did not have any broken bones or anything like that, maybe just some scratches and some bleeding?), it's still a warning. life is warning me i can never slow down; i will never get the priviledge to enjoy the scenery like everyone else.
what do i have to do then?
continue running, running in full speed, or maybe even faster than my full speed. just to catch up with the rest again. not to be left behind again.
why? why is it so difficult for me to enjoy life?
i have no control over the speed i want to travel; life make me travel at this speed.
i am exhausted. when can i ever rest? when can i ever stop chasing and still able to catch up with the rest?
the day i die?
苦中作乐，但是，我没有“作乐”这两个字。
down.
i am sick.
as in. really sick.
my
nose could not stop
running, which made my
body ached due to these physically exhausting exercise (imagine your nose running a marathon early in the morning), my
skin was
ultra-sensitive to wind; once the wind blew, it felt like the pricks of pins and needles.
best of all, i had a
spinning headache, which turned out to be
fever.
luckily i feel slightly better now.
but my nose just can't stop running. sigh.
price of..
the module SSA2211: Evolution of a Global City-State: $6,110 ÷ 5 = $1,222
Its Final Examiniation: $1,222 ÷ 2 = $611
One Assignment: $611 ÷ 2 = 305.50
Completed assignment: priceless.
lala.. after wrestling with it for almost a day.. i have finally defeated my assignment demon!!! yeah! no more irritating history assignment! lala~
i should now announce that in celebration of this event, i shall be granted to watch tv for the rest of the day!yuppie!!!n___n
singing out loud~
quotes.
number 1to all,
this is the survey that i've come up with; please take a look. however, if you don't wih to see it, it's perfectly fine with me.
i would just like to point out a few things here before we have any proper meeting:
1) i thought we are suppose to have a meeting tomorrow, friday, from 12 to 2pm, to discuss about the survey. but apparently, the meeting was cancelled, without prior notice or whatsoever. seriously, the exams are around the corner, we've a lot of other projects, and they are all going to due around the same time. if we can't even have a proper meeting (like something more than an hour?) when are we ever going to get things done?
2) as i was designing the survey question, i realised it'll be extrmemly time-consuming if we were to do promary data as we need to survey students from every single faculty/school and from different year (year 1 to year 4). once again, how are we going to get this done if we are not even meeting up to split the work?
3) Praboo said that we are going to meet up during the stats lecture break (again). sigh. why is it that we can only meet up during lecture break? is there no other better time? i am quite sure there will be time when majority of our group are able to meet up right? we don't need everyone's presence all the time to get things done.
4) i know everyone is waiting for the reply from the CORS people. but my point is, are they really that important? we can always discuss our survey and other administrative stuff first. and after meeting them and realised amendments are needed, then we'll just amend accordingly. isn't this more effecient?
5) last but not least, i would like to remind everyone that our project is due on 6th november, which is like around two weeks away? if we can't sit down and start on our project like now, we are never going to get it done before the due date.
besides the above points. can i also suggest that we have our meeting in school on a weekday? i stay really far away from school. please don't torture me by arranging a meeting in school on a weekend. if everyone is really so BUSY 'till no one can SQUEEZE any time out on the weekday, can we meet somewhere near town?
i know jiabo said there's no suitable environment in town for a meeting. but, what is considered as suitable? all we need is internet connection and place to sit right? we can always go mcdonald's.
the environment in school can be found anywhere in singapore.
regards,
yuk ching
number 2- when i said i just bought a polka-dotted top,
"wow! an extention of moles!"
- after i said the price difference is $15 for two tops that are exactly alike and same brand, but sold in different locations,
"the cheaper one is the pirated one!"
~ -__-" ~
quoted from someone who is daring enough to play a joke on my mole and still can laugh so happily when i repeated the quote on his/her behalf.
blah
wanted to post a really loooooooooooooooong post today. but feel so ****** up now i lost all my mood in doing anything.
see whether next time i've the mood to talk about it or not.
goodnight.
money.
having a meeting at 8 30am in school is not fun. especially if i've to fet up at 5+ am in the morning just for that stupid meeting.
and the best thing is, they just informed me.
my nice and kind group members have decided on the time among themselves on friday after lecture.
ok, they claimed they tried to call me (i don't have any missed call). but so what? seriously, don't they know there's something call sms?
seriously rude to inform people about a meeting that is going to take place in around 12 hours' time.
and i already told them i stay far rom school and not to have meeting in school.
some people just never listen.
what if i didn't come online today. i really like to know what will happen.
maybe they'll just call me at 8 30am tomorrow morning and "remind" me that there's a group meeting, like now?
whatever.
damn all the people.
untitled 4
watched "death note". thought it should be very nice (it's originated from manga&jap manga are generally nice). and indeed, it is very interesting.
dear & i went to 3 places beofre we got our ticket; went vivo city at around 2p and tickets are sold out until 11+pm, around 5+ reached ps, also sold out till 11+pm.. went cathy cineplex and tata! we bought tickets for the 8+pm show!=)
*lesson learnt: don't be lazy and queue up for ticket on the first floor. we went up, bought our tickets, came down, and we still could see the same faces stuck in the queue*
it was really interesting. it's about a boy, Light, who bu accident picked up a notebook that belonged to the Death God. the notebook, is no oridinary notebook; if a person's name is written on the notebook(the writer need not to be the owner, but the writer must be able to remember the person's face when he writes the name) and if no reason's specified, the person would experienced heart attack die in 40 seconds. Light started to use the notebook and killed criminals and suspects, especially those who did commit(or at least Light think they did) the crimes but went scot-free..
later on, the police hired a genius named "L" to catch Light, and since Light felt threatened, he started to kill to cover up his identity, even till the extend..
well, sounds stupid/ idiotic/ lame/ spastic? wait 'till you get to watch the movie! dear was not extremely keen on watching initially, but after we stepped out from the cinema, he could not help but to discuss about the movie. why? 'cause it's not only cool, it's (kind of) deep as well. it shows how selfish and dangerous human can be, especially when we're being given the power/ authority to control.
humans are just so scary.
lost my earring yesterday. this morning thought i misplaced my
guan yin pendant. was really freaking out.
why am i losing things? will i continue to lost the things i own? will i keep losing things till the point where to my horror, i wake up one day, and i realised i lost my identity?
lol.
a statement made by a paranoid freak.
something funny..
went to play with one of the buttons on dear's blog. super lame. but i find it super entertaining.
lol.
Dear Sir or Madam:
It has come to our attention that you have been harressing one of the buttons on the wed. Although most buttons are understanding about this type of thing (being repeatedly pressed), several buttons have decided to form a support group and have petitioned the webmaster for funds to provide a secure place for rest and relaxtion.
Warning:
CONTINUE AND YOUR BROWSER WILL BE CLOSED!- The Federation of Oppressed & Abused Buttons
how i wish i still have this kind of lame humour.
http://seawalk.blogspot.com
exhausted..mentally and physically..
still continue to feel lethagic.. lack of exercise? or simply i am just tired?
went out with ks and girls yesterday. felt so happy, it has been a long time since i last enjoyed myself(of cos' besides going out with people) even though it was only for 2 hours.. feel so glad that all the effort i put in to meet them is worthwhile (i forced myself to finish my tutorial on tuesday, changed my tuition time). felt so relaxed after meeting them.
reached home, sat in front of the compuuter, not long after, ended up on my bed and fell asleep till morning. lol.
today had two meetings, followed by tutorial, without a break (i finished my lunch during meeting). sigh. was so sleepy i almost fell asleep during tutorial.
i over-slept on bus. twice today.
i have ample sleeplast night. why am i still so tired?
two years of suffering is enough for me. i don't need another 3 more years of suffering (worse than last time some more)
i hate travelling. it is a waste of time, energy and money.
questions: who was the one who make nus to be in clementi? why not in ang mo kio?
why am i staying in ang mo kio? why didn't my parents buy our house in clementi?
arh!
pieces of thoughts & feelings III..
offended 4 people because of 1 person. feel so guilty to everyone.
if i have a choice, i would not want to go vivo city. never will i want to go there.
today did a survey on marriage and relationship, i ticked "definitely yes" for the question on if i think everyone should get married and if i think i will get married. now, if i receive the same survey again, i may put "neutral".
being in a relationship is tiring. especially now that i don't even have time for myself.
it's so good to be single.
maybe i am actually not a suitable player in the game of love. i don't know all the rules. and even if i do, i don't like to comply to the rules.
but it's so difficult to give up. i am afraid of the pain.
human are selfish animal; self-interest is the first thing on their list. ask yourself, whenever you take photo, what is the first thing you look at? yourself, i bet? this is a very good proof of how selfish and self-conscious human beings are.
we get married, not to bring our partners happiness; humans get married because they are afraid of leading a lonely life when they grow old. but, is this always the case? we get married, but are we extremely sure that we will not be lonely when we grow old? if that's the case, why bother to get married when we are not even sure of the outcome.
but if i have a choice in the future, i would still like to get married and have a family. i am, afterall, still a human being.
lol.
but for now, if i could turn back time, i would choose to remain single.
ICX Training
*seriously hoping that nobody from icx other than the "three" read this post.. haha..*
yesterday was icx training, it's supposed to be "national", and guess what? only 30+ people attended.. sig.. seriously don't understand why the turn up rate is so low.. if they are not interested, then why did they bother to join AIESEC in the first place?
puzzled.
got up at like 6 30 in the morning, only to reach smu and stood at the main entrance there for like an hour 'cause the person, who was supposed to bring us in, was late for 1 hour.. seriously (again), what kind of attitude is that? made one whole group of people wait for you and not apologitic.. sigh..
i was really bored throughout the day.. was stoning with them, each of us in our own dimension.. was really bad.. i kept flipping my pen and it kept dropping onto the floor..
wore heels for more than 12 hours today! now my sole hurts.. i feel like my skin is going to peel off.. pain! but i'll still wear heels.. can't help it..
i am V.A.I.N. lol.
there is a new mole on my middle finger!\(>o<#)/
i am so exhausted and drained out now. blogging rubbish. stats tutorial is beside me, untouched. i am too tired to think.
tutorials?
heck! *yea baby~
after the midterms~
finally!
after wrestling with time and a lot of other stuff.. my mid-terms are over!!!
even though i do not know how i would fare in my papers.. but well,i thought it's already considered as amazing that i didn't collapse in the midst of preparation.. haha.. let's call for a celebration!n___n
just hope that i can do slightly better than the mean..the normal bell-curve.. haha..
thought i should be relatively "stress-free" after mid-terms.. but i was W.R.O.N.G... i
kanna gastric pain today after test, all thanks to my tuition client!! called me at 2+ and asked me if i can go to her house at 3+.. that's just absurd! but well, i believe in "customers are always right", and so i gave in, i rushed there right after test, but still, i was later than the time i (sort of) promised.. and as a result, gastric pain~
i am kind of crossed with the mother; the daughter's year-end examination is just around the corner and yet she still wants to bring them out, instead of staying home and supervise her revision..
sometimes i wonder why should i get so worked up when the parents themselves can't even be bothered? they just give me that miserable amount of money and expect me to cover their duty as parents.. wth?!
*耍脾气*。。
不教了！=(because of her, gastric pain.. diarrhea.. is it worth it?
*a drawing of myself looking soooooo pathetic..*just a thought. we(or rather, i) study so hard, and this thought is always the main driver: study hard now, after exams are over can slack!.. the question is, is it really the case? we(i) simply jump from one agony to another one (which is worse).. and yet we(i) never learn our(my) lessons.. why?
自作孽? or simply we just don't have a choice?
i hope it's the latter.
Untitled 4
second day of diarrhea.. it’s really murderous.. my stomach feels so unwell, even till now.. sigh.. when will I ever recover from this stupid unknown illness?
the hair on my mole disappeared. I swear I did not pluck it out(even though I like to pull it a lot). Wonder how it actually dropped. my hair was so rooted into my face it is almost impossible to pull it out, but now it dropped, just like that. haha.. normal days i always wish that it will be gone.. but now when it actually dropped, i kind of miss my hair, and the times i "played" with it. the good(sad) news is that it will definitly grow back, so let's enjoy these few "hairless" days.
watched “crayon shin chan” this afternoon when I was eating.. it’s so funny.. I enjoy spastic and lame jokes.. and “crayon shin chan” fits the bill..
Oh..i just love 蜡笔小新！=)
after watching 蜡笔小新, I continued to watch this documentary on bees.. and my god! I never knew that bees are actually very clever! they can actually measure and remember the angle between the sun, their nest and the new pollen grain source.. and they will inform their mates about it by “dancing”: if they danced in circles, that means the new source is less than 100m away from their nest.. and if they shake their butt(tail), it means the source is further away.. the frequency of their “butt shake” is equivalent to the distance away from their nest; the further it’s, the faster they shake their “butt”.. now, isn’t this really interesting?
What an amazing world!n___n
untitled 3
last night had really bad diarrhea. kept waking up in the middle of the night and rushed to the toilet. it was really, really bad. i felt so weak when i got up this morning. it was a really bad night for me.
wonder if it's intestinal flu, it is so "popular" now..*ok, not funny*
today was rushing like mad when i leave my house for tuition (my fault; was watching "crayon shin chan" and enjoying my late lunch when i realised the clock striked 3). after i was at the void deck, i realised i wore my top inside out. what did i do?
nothing.
i continued my 1 hour journey, including a nice, long 15 minutes walk on the street, as if nothing happened. i was praying so hard, hoping that there would not be a single soul on the street. but well, things always happened, against your wish, especially when you're desperate; there were exceptionally a lot of people on that particular street today(there were hardly any soul around on any other oridinary day). and what did i do?
walked with my head up high, as if my top is meant to look like this. lol. sounds dumb, but i feel proud of myself. (i am daring!yeah~)
in the evening, i created a scene at the zebra crossing; i was chatting on the phone, forgot i place the call on hold, thought my phone lost reception in a super open area, and i started shouting hellos?! into my mobile. of course, the man who was waiting for traffic light with me stared at me, real hard. guess he thought i am a "siao zha bo"--> as in those just released/ escaped frommental institution ones.
i always thought i have got rid of the blur look on my face and that naturally means no blur look= not blur. well, guess today's incidents proved me something:
something never change.
once a blur queen, forever a blur queen; once a
siao zha bo , forever a
siao zha bo.
the question is: should i be happy about it?
enjoyed my tuition sessions today; never raised my voice, never felt irritated or any other negative feeling best of all, i fogot allabout my tests for that period of time. giving tuition helped me escape from my stress for awhile, i was yuk ching the tutor, rather than yuk ching the student. so, is giving tuition benefitcial or harmful?
beats me.
last night suddenly recalled this funny quote by jacky wu(吴宗宪). it's sexist, i admit (so please don't come & sue me for being one!). but well..haha..
“男人每一个都是禽兽。。。但是！ 女人却偏爱小动物！”
girl power!n___n
untitled 2
nothing much happened today. is that supposed to be good or bad?
counting down to the end of this crazy week.. 2 tests coming, 3 more days; icx training, 5 more days; beginning of a new week, 6 more days; starting of end-of-year holiday, approximately 1 1/2 months;
the end of this routine, sickening life?
after this mid-terms week, i thought i can (finally) take a break.. but nope! only more work is waiting for me.. next week will be my project week (edit video, complie complementary guide, etc) and the week after will be my history assignment& catch-up-with-my-studies week (i haven touch anything yet!)
it's just so annoying.
have an extremely good appetite today.. ate so much yet i feel hungr by the time i take bus home.. maybe ↑stress= ↑appetite? but i know dear once told me ↑stress=↑tummy size.. haha.. that gives me another reason not to lose my tummy.. no tummy= no stress--> i am too free! *oops! no offence to those who have extremely flat stomach.. i wish i have 1 too, but since i can't, i'l just give myself some reason for its existence, so i won't feel so bad about it..*
was playing around with my bro's webcam.. i know resolution is not good.. but well, what can you demand from something that's cheap? *my mum looked so funny 'cause she was peeping at the screen when we took the photo..lol..*
untitled
the haze is gone(or so i think it's); but the one in my heart is not.
had stupid blues today in the afternoon, felt so dumb(why the hell was i feeling so lousy out of absolutely no reason?).. sigh.. why does it feel like there is a very bad haze in my heart? stress? heavy workload? busy schedule?
my dad is gone; he took an afternoon plane back, nobody sent him off, quite sad isn't it? it felt like my dad is only here for a few days; i hardly met him during his visit, most of the time, i am busy in school or giving tuition. it's like so fast & he's already back in hong kong. i only started school for like a little bit more than 2 months, yet it felt like(& it still feels like) i have been in nus for years: so much has been taught, so many tutorials have been done, so many projects going on simultaneously, so many activities went on and participated.. sigh.. i am exhausted, both physically and mentally.. this haze just won't go away..
i need some fresh air.
anyone ever experience this before? no air-conditioning on the mrt train at all, even when the train was travelling, the air inside the car is stagnant and stiff.. i know it's against some law in physics, but that's exactly what happened; i was sweating like crazy on the mrt, so was the guy standing opposite me.
finally received my pay. it feels so good to know that your hard-earned money is right inside your bag. oh, but i still haven't collected my previous month pay; there's some communication problem between the agent and the mother.. well, it's not my problem. just give me my money.
oh, i just love cold, hard cash.. but well, who doesn't?
something pessimistic, yet i can't help but to agree with it:
情侣/恋人/恋爱/感情=
"因误解而开始；因了解而分开"hence,
i'll never let my other half know me inside out. evil laugh.
Addicted to blog
Realised I am addicted to blogging; will feel super uneasy and uncomfortable if i didn't blog for a day.. hmmm.. why?
maybe 'cause there is a laptop in my room and that makes accessibility to Internet better? maybe 'cause i am so stressed in school i need an outlet? maybe 'cause i have started to treat bloging a new way of relaxation?
beats me.
but yes, i am addicted to blogging(as you can see), i have been blogging everyday without fail for a week. the question is, i wonder how long it will last.. haha.. i never have stamina in anything i do..*laughing at myself*..
feel like a failure; suppose to nap for only an hour this afternoon, in the end.. i slept for 3 hours!! can you imagine how many things can be done in this precious 3 hours? sigh.. i am so awake now i don't think it'll be necessary for me to sleep tonight, maybe can try to complete some more stuff tonight.
talking about sleeping, recently i feel extremely tired and lethargic. even when i have already sleep like 7 hours?(i know that's not a lot, but it's already considered as a luxury for me now).. maybe it's lack of exercise.. i should squeeze some time out to exercise.. maybe exercise instead of blogging?lol.. i guess that'll be quite impossible..
how i wish i am addicted to exercise instead..lol..
two tests this week, i haven't completed my revision; how great that sounds.. but well, when do we ever complete our revision?
*shrug*
in 《长假》"long vacation",
阿南对
秀俊说：
“你对每个人都很温柔；但结果却伤害了每个人的心”sometimes we need to be cruel in order to be merciful.
。号外。
那场纠缠快要一个星期的纠纷。。终于。。
画。。下。。句。。点。。
（谢天谢地！）
全都归功于我家大少爷，和他那我不敢领教的态度。。
haha..
my breakfast is back, once again..
i love PEACE!
hail my beloved brother!
what a beautiful mistake!n____n
what a day!
stupid me actually count the time wrongly; i am supposed to reach school by 11 30 for meeting, and i actually tell myself i can leave my house at 10 45.. i was eating happily when i noticed the clock striked 11.. in the end, i was an hour late for meeting.. didn't dare to tell others my reason for being late.. don't think anyone will ever believe such a lame excuse.. but well, that is exactly what happened..
the meeting ended exactly at 1pm, really different from the usual AIESEC pattern(always exceed like at least 1hour?)after that went IMM to collect some data for my statistics project.. it's seriously crazy.. all i did was just copying the data of different red wines and guess what? by the time i was done it is already 2 hours later! really dislike collecting data man.. hop i don't have to do it again in future..
ate like less than 1 mooncake this year.. sigh.. really miss the time when i get to sit down with my family and enjoy mooncake together..
just realised today that it had ben 2 days since the last time i saw my mum, and the last time i ever speak to her was like wednesday night?
have been busy for this whole week, no time to go out, no time to exercise, no time to play, no time to relax, no time to.. everyday just lectures, tutorials, tuition, do tutorials, travel, check emails.. really tired of this life.. when will it ever end?
let's throw books away for today!
hate this crazy, busy life.
pieces of thoughts II..
reached home after 12, been away from home for a day.. left home yesterday morning at 6++, reached home today 12+ am.. i am going home later and later.. thursday night was 11++pm and now it's 12++ am.. wonder what'll it be next time.. hmmmm.. 3++am? don't dare to think about it..
think the chinese tea is taking effect; i feel so awake and alert now (if not i won't be blogging).. have service meeting a few hours later in the day, like 11 30am? but seriously, have problem sleeping..
got back my 1st history assignment today, scored B+.. but i think my whole class scored at least that.. so seriously no big deal, nothing to feel proud of (that i can actualy get B+ for history assignment).. but my tutor made a comment, which i feel really proud of..
This is a very clear argued and well-structured essay. I like your style of writing.
personally, i feel that the best comment a reader/ marker/ teacher/ tutor(or whatever) can give to a writer of an essay is that he/she likes the writer's style of writing.. i don't know, but that's what i feel..(sorry, seriously don't have any intention to show off or
hao lian or whatsoever, i just feel happy that he made this comment)
went for icx dinner, then teajoy yesterday(or a few hours back).. as expected, we three are the only (enthu) ones who attended both activities(still have ivy but..).. haha.. we are like the most "on" year ones.. haha..
the prata shop is not that nice.. wonder how they actually win a wall full of awards behind the cashier (green book award, $2 wonderfood, etc)..
i guess something is just difficult to explain..
on my way back, this question suddenly came to my mind:
what is your priority?my dad once told me i should not keep thinking about earning money if i have problem with school work; it's seriously not worth it if i end up being kick out from university because i pay too much attention, time and effort into working and ended up no time for school work. well, personally i don't think i'll get kicked out ('cause i study, whenever i have the time), but i seriously don't wish to see my tuition work affect my results in any way.. so i guess school, for me, at this point in time, is on the top of my list.
what's yours?
Personality and Values Self Assessment
Compared my score with the "70% of responses fall between" and noticed something interesting about myself..
70% of responsefall between; Personal Score
Positive Affectivity(PA) 2.95-4.05 2.70
Negative Affectivity(PA) 1.37-2.80 1.30
Self Esteem 3.05-4.32 2.90
Generalized Trust in Others 3.12-4.21 4.30
*Positive Affectivity (PA): The tendency to experience positive emotional states. Associated with the Big Five dimension of ‘extroversion.’ People high in positive affect can usually be described as being outgoing, talkative, sociable, assertive, and such.
*Negative Affectivity (NA): The tendency to experience negative emotional states. Associated with the Big Five dimension of ‘neuroticism.’ People high in positive affect can usually be described as being distressed, hostile, irritable, nervous, and such.
Personal Score (1-48)
Structure (Architect) 42
People/Human Resource (Catalyst) 34
Political (Advocate) 16
Culture/Symbolic (Visionary) 28
these scores say alot about me as an indivdual.. can i conclude that i am a person with comparatively low self-esteem, have neither positive nor negative affectivity(then what am i being affected by? nothing?)and that i trust people very easily..
hmmm.. so what am i?
the cold war is still on.. but glad at least i've my breakfast this morning.. they are talking to me, which is great; but they are still ignoring each other, which is bad. this saturday is his birthday, hope i can try to patch things up a bit for them..
peace-maker!
happy 中秋节(mid-autumn festival), everyone! it's a day when families celebrate together. sadly this year, i'll spend it with my school mates instead.. but well, looking at the situation at home right now, don't think it actually matters whether i'm home tomorrow; we won;t be celebrating it as a family anyway..
miss the good old days.. let's backpack!n____n
pieces of feelings and thoughts..
really bad mood recently, keep having mood swings.. especially when i go for tuition, feel really frustrated.. i kept scolding the little girl for not doing her work properly, but the thing's that she has been doing that along(ugly handwriting, bad posture, bad memory) & i was perfectly fine with that up till now.. what's wrong with me? i pity her..
received my feedback analysis on tue, some quotes from my group mates:
- I feel that she is trying to hard to impress by handling too much tasks at a time even though she is coping with it. Also, she might want to be careful with her time management so that her schedule do not get packed up.
- She is very humble; she said a lot of sorry in her message for not being able to join us due to her other commitment.
- Area od improvement for Yuk Ching will be, she should try to mange her time more effectively to fit into our group discussions.
- Something to worry about would be her busy schedule..
laugh out loud.. 4 out of 6 people actually mentioned 'busy schedule' in their analysis on me.. do i really look like i am extremely busy?
maybe i am.
the cold war is still on.
rushed for tuition today, no time for dinner. i gave the sec 2 boy extra 1/2 hour of tuition again, hope he'll perform for his exam..
i am scared of seeing his results.. wat if he didn't do well? it's not for me to decide but it's still worrying..
maybe i worry too much.
even though i am going to become an adult soon, i still don't understand them.
it doesn't feel good to feel abandoned and unwanted, especially by your own family right? then why am i doing that?
suddenly feel very bad about myself.. how can i think in this manner? he's hardly here, so if he wants to nag, i should just let him be. he raised me up; he paid for all my expenses; i should feel grateful and treat him better, but why am i talking to him as if he's my enemy?
maybe i should treat him better;
maybe i should talk to himnicely from now on..
but is it too late to start making amendment now?
hope not.
都是这一条鱼的错
一条鱼。。
一个要三条，另一个却要两条。。
三条=浪费；
两条=不够味道，
各持己见，僵持不下，
最后。。。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。。。
。。。 。。。
晚饭没了，
一个下班不回家，
另一个还。。。离。。 家。。 出。。 走。。。 。。。
最可怜的还是两个无辜的牺牲者，晚饭无端端的没了，还被逼看一出不想看的戏。。
sigh~
to someone who is very important to me:
why? why are you like this?
why must you make me dislike you whenever we talk?
i hate myself for disliking you, do you know that? yet i can't stop myself from feeling this way.. i can't help it.
everytime you want to initiate a conversation with me, it's never anything good. you know how bad that feels?
it's like we can never have a nice conversation, ever since i enter jc. i feel very bad. yet, i can't help it. i just can't speak to you nicely whenever you talk to me, 'cause i know it'll definitely be something bad.
why can't you just have a conversation with me without wanting to lecture/nag/scold/discipline me?
.
.
.
...
just now, you asked me to ________________________, i was so happy do you know that? i thought finally you are going to accept him as___________ and that you want to take a look personally.. but how wrong was i.. you wanted to see/meet because you want to give another lecture, another scolding.. when will this ever end? when will your lecture, your nag, your scolding ever stop? why is it that everything i do is wrong?
i know you said those words out of concern for my health, i really, sincerely, appreciated that. but did it have to come out from you in that tone, that manner?
why must you make it sound like it's definitely something bad? why must you see this as something bad for me? why must you always think that i am not going to make it?
please give me an answer.
just an observation for a week does not prove everything; just dropping by some time in a long while in my life does not mean you can understand me.. i know i have to respect you, but your action, your words..
i want to respect you; i want to listen to you and believe that your words are reasonable and rationale; i want to have a proper conversation with you..
since when did our relationship become so tense?
can we turn back time?
can't you have a little more faith in me?
...
case competition- semi-finals
didn't make it into the finals(like,duh!), but, of course, we are glad, especially after we watched the finals.. the finalists really did their homework.. all their presentations looked so professional.. as if they're really doing a business proposal to the CEO of volkswagen..haha..
we were the first team that went in, so no time to prepare(but actually there wasn't much for us to prepare anyway).. went in and we survived! haha.. it wasn't as bad as i thought 'cause there were only 3 audience(2judges+1time-keeper)?..didn't do a good presentation.. wasted too much time on analysing the problems, no time to talk about solutions..
lessons learnt after this competition: must go attend some course/workshop and buck up my oral presentation skill.. it seriously suck! and must go learn how to use flash, 'cause the presentation itself is very important, most of the time, it's the effect that win the judges' heart(at least for this case)..
yuan and i- taken in the female toiletactually we took some more pictures, but i accidentally deleted them away when i was talking to dear.. so end up only left one picture, can't see our business suit somemore! haha.. but never mind, i'm very very sure i'll get to wear my suit again next time.. and i'll take many shots and store them in differnt places so won't delete everything away like this time..haha..
blurry me~
