first day without a phone
surprisingly, i do not feel that isolated without my phone, maybe i was not that dependent on it after all, or maybe i was already somewhat isolated from others.
it is a wonder what these words, GSS, can do to people. for example, under the influence of GSS, i spent a grand total of S$200 today *rounded up figure*. maybe the blow i received yesterday was too great for me to handle, or maybe i was just desperate to spend some money, whatever it was, the fact is that i spent a
hell lot today.
i don't understand why some people are so greedy, why do they have to take something that does not belong to them? i would rather return the things i found than keep them. if i return them, the owner would thank me and they see me as their "saviour"(okay, maybe a little too exaggerating, but something to that effect..), and i feel great too because i did a good deed; if i keep it, not only the owner would deem me as "evil", i feel bad about myself too, like i have committed a theft. since the benefits of returning outweigh keeping, then why keep?
human is so difficult to understand.
my mother told me my brother actually went to the police station to return a S$2 note he found on the street when he was in primary school.
how i wish i will be able to teach my children to be this upright morally.
what i am afraid is that that stupid b*tch who has taken my mobile used GPRS and download stuff between the time when she picked it up and until i got it deactivated; my bill will be sky-high.
anyone knows where i can check?
keeping my fingers cross.
unlucky
我的幸运星坠落了。
the star that i thought can bring me good luck is gone, forever.
我常常以为，只要我为人人，人人也必定会为我，真天真。
there is no equality in this world, and there is certainly no room for words like "absolute", "definite" in this world.
i do things in this way does not mean others are going to be like this, and therefore i should not expect others to do things my way.
but i can't help to hope for the miracle to happen, that i will get my phone back.
lost my phone, lost my star, losing my luck.. going to lose myself?
i feel so vulnerable now.
1 year anniversary
two days ago was my beloved hammie, xiao-ai, first death anniversary. and i actually forgot and only remembered after i have posted my "GP essay".
how could i?
it feels like it was only days ago that she was gone. yet one year felt like eternity.
i still cannot, and do not wish to forget her. she was such a lovable pet how i wish she could live forever. but i know, their lifespan is only 3 years, if she had not left me then, she would not have been alive until now also.
wonder how she is doing in her little heaven with her husband, xiao-chun and her son, xiao-xiao. hope they are living happily and harmoniously together, with endless supply of their favourite food and snacks.
to the little hammie with character,i may not have visited your grave often enough; i may have carelessly forgotten your death anniversary, but i will never forget you. you live on in my heart, forever.love,the one who misses you alot
on the environment
saw something that is extremely disheartening in
NTUC just now: the family in front of us at the queue used plastic bags like
nobody's business, every single item they purchased have a plastic bag on, even for dry food items like Sunshine bread.
why is this happening?
the report on global warming was issued just not long ago. if we do not cut down on the usage and consumption of plastic bags in this world, the end of days is not far from us; who knows, it may even take place in our life-time.
SM Lee once said that Singapore will move and change with the world, but always a few steps behind the rest. well, i agree that Singaporeans are generally more conservative than people in the other side of the globe and hence, certain policies can't be implement because people maybe upset or unhappy.
however, for issues regarding the environment, i feel we should not wait for the rest of the world to "do something" first, as this is not something we can afford to wait.
i am not saying that the government is not doing anything for the environment. i think the "plastic bag- free" day that take place on every first Wednesday of the month is a good start, and the trees along the roadside not only help to lower the amount of carbon dioxide in the air, they also help to lower the temperature by shielding and absorbing some sunlight. however, i feel that there is so much more the government can do to help to protect the environment. for example, i learnt that
Hong Kong is going to implement this "plastic bag tax", whereby consumers are taxed if they use plastic bags, i think this is a very good idea- not only it helps to increase the government's revenue, this policy also discourages consumers from using plastic bags excessively. or maybe we can learn from japan, where they only collect rubbish that have been categorised.
i am not a politician, i don't know about politics, i don't know the difficulties in implementing a new policy or new law, i only know that we are all human and should play a part in saving the earth.
but of course, even with the presence of all the necessary "hardware", nothing will work if the "software" are absent. i don't know how others think, maybe people think that (saving the environment) is not their business; the government will solve the problem for us. or maybe they think that the scientists released this report to scare us only. or maybe they think that their participation are insignificant.
without the right mindset, nothing is going to work. if people are not cooperative, any policy will still fail.
i don't know about others, but i am, and will continue, to contribute my share of effort in saving in environment. it may be insignificant, but i believe in 团结就是力量. it may sounds a bit
cliché, but i really believe in it.
*phew.. sounds like a GP essay? i think it does.. but well, that is what i really feel, everyone has a part to play in saving our Mother Earth, she gave us the resources to live, so we should return by protecting her from further harm.. this is call 饮水思源..
hoho.. this hot and humid weather make me write this post, i not for global warming, Singapore will not be so hot~!!!*
save the environment!
post exam result release
gosh. i'm so upset about my results now, i don't know how to describe it.
xy's blog has this very interesting diagram on failure and success. i can't help but to agree with it.
input does not necessarily bring about the desired output but in order to obtained the desired output, input must be presents.
why? am i stupid or something? am i dumber than otheres in business school? why am i just not getting there?
i am so upset with myself.
why can't i do it?
results
sian~ mug 'till so hard for the exams still didn't do well.. those subjects that i was confident in doing well turned out to be bad; those that got me worried i did okay; and the one that was being forgotten.. the results reflects..
aiya! i feel so discouraged now.
sian ah!
today
今天终于买了《华丽一族》，心情超爽的！！！(o^-^o)
不过口袋里的洞又大了几寸。。*sob*..
现在没工作=没收入=没钱了！可是银行里的存款却不知怎么搞的变得越来越少。。真是的！
my idol has a new advertisement on air! it's gatsby "rubber".. so cool!=)
每天让我朝思梦想的宝贝今天终于回到我身边了！虽然我的宝贝们不会知道我有多想它们，而且他们在回来不久后就投进别人的怀抱，不过不用紧，回来就好。
think i will not have any craving for korean food again in the near future, at least for next month. lunch today was one big bowl of mixed rice.
seriously, i think the same ingredients taste nicer in a "stone" bowl, maybe because the bowl helps to keep the food warm, or maybe it is just my brain. whatever it is, i think i have had enough of korean food for the time being.
suddenly this anti-drug/anti-crime tag line pop up in my head last night when i was brushing teeth.
生命无 Take Two.how true is this.
treasure every second.
wanted to draft a letter to lodge a complain, but my brain is so tired it goes on strike and refuses to help. my hands are feeling lethargic they are unwilling to help me search for the notes on writing letters.
looks like i will only get the letter drafted in (?). lol, can't believe i am lazy to even fight for my rights.
my brain is definitely on "standby" mode, and i am trying very hard to prevent my body from following suit.
i really need to work. i have nothing to do for only 2 days, and it feels like 2 years.
i am rotting, mentally.
change
i still remember when i was in secondary school, i used to find my friends incomprehensible when they actually spent hundreds of dollars buying Chanel or Louis Vuitton wallets. i mean, why spend so much money on a wallet when, most probably, the wallet itself costs more than its content.
but now, i become like them. in other words, the "old"
me is laughing at me now.
yes! i have joined the club, the worshippers of branded goods!how ironic can this be?
i am laughing at myself now.
i guess everything change, it's just a matter of "for better or for worse", and i know being materialistic is definitely bad, real bad.
just hope that besides this, i am changing for the better in other aspects.
what do you think, my dear?=)
read these two very meaningful and interesting
(at least in my opinion) stories
(is that what you call them?) on
zaobao today, the first one is about teaching as career in Singapore, and the other one is about doctors.
being a teacher was once my dream. to pass down the knowledge and experience i have to the next generation; to play a significant part in shaping the future of the country; to teach our children the vultures and values that were passed down since time immemorial; like how my secondary school principal call them - to be a 灵魂工程师.
sadly, everything changed.
彭飞－病牛
教师闲坐聊天，鲜少出现快乐话题，学生懒惰不听话是永远的教育母题，再扯到上司领导与评估，人人皆满肚子苦水，齐齐吐出来，将是一条河。初入行时，父辈常告诫教育是良心工作，顶头三尺有双明亮眼睛审视所作所为。然而，实际职场体验终于明白万事万物皆可估量，只要你能拿得出良心，自有一套计算其重量与容积的方程式，然后换算出良心指数测量表，给你一个准确的良心评分，定出良心等级。
市场经济时代，评估形式名目众多，但多属烟雾，其潜台词其实是叫你计算自己为单位贡献了多少，创造了多少利润。一位为教育熬白青丝的教师，鞠躬尽瘁三十年，年终评估时受新人类上司训斥：
“
我知道你为教学贡献了半辈子，你要明白这种贡献只是做牛做马，现在已不是农耕时代，流汗犁地培育幼苗，那是历史。我们现在要的是声光舞台，每个人都要表演，我们要曝光，我们要知名度，我们要有市场价值。把你们那种旧时代迷信的默默耕耘给扔进冰格里，不然，明年的策划工作由别人来做！”
老教师说，走出办公室时居然没感到丝毫难过心痛，反而有一种极其轻松的解脱感觉。她终于看清了教育的价值取向，肩背上沉重的使命砖块掉落满地，与其让荧光屏闪现“游戏结束”字幕，不如痛痛快快地罢手高喊：我不玩了。
向来对忠于理念、献身教育的老教师满怀敬意，他们从不计较也不在意物质回报，岗位上几十寒暑，确实做着“吃的是草，挤的是奶”的奉献工作。当年的教育流行语汇如“耕耘”、“耕牛”、“培苗”、“园丁”，朴实而洋溢泥土味，呕尽心血让下一代成长。栽一棵树，育一个人，十年百年，毫无怨尤。
如今金银增值不离口，奉献都有行情价码，良心都要摆放秤盘逐斤逐两计算。务实的一代已经调整得适应一切变局，身段柔软，随时急转弯，不再有理想与现实交战的痛苦挣扎。许多人已习惯拿着计算机过日子，数码化世界里，属于精神领域的崇高成分成为无厘头的搞笑内容，任人践踏。
曾在进修课上听导师摘引的一则故事：
一群孩子在一位老人家门前嬉闹，叫声连天。几天过去，老人难以忍受。于是，他出来给了每个孩子25美分，对他们说：“你们让这儿变得很热闹，我觉得自己年轻了不少，这点钱表示谢意。”
孩子们很高兴，第二天仍然来了，一如既往地嬉闹。老人再出来，给了每个孩子15美分。他解释说，自己没有收入，只能少给一些。15美分也还可以吧，孩子仍然兴高采烈地走了。
第三天，老人只给了每个孩子5美分。孩子们勃然大怒，齐声喊道：“一天才5美分，知不知道我们多辛苦！”他们向老人发誓，再也不会为他玩了！
讲师说，人的生活动机分两种：内部动机和外部动机。如果按照内部动机去行动，我们就是自己的主人。如果驱使我们的是外部动机，我们就会被外部因素所左右，成为它的奴隶。老人的算计很简单，他将孩子们的内部动机“为自己快乐而玩”变成了外部动机“为得到美分而玩”，从而操纵了孩子们的行为。
被此故事缠绕许久，我们原本单纯的生活内容日益复杂化、功利化，一只无形大手硬将人穿线作成傀儡，随旋律手舞足蹈。童年快乐的游戏强打上教育印戳后，放风筝都提不起劲；
原本无私的奉献与绩效挂钩，塑造多少灵魂竟都可计算，大家按级别一字排开，论功行赏。于是，年年评估都是各类激情演出，雀跃嫉恨交集，甚至一根肉骨头便让一群狗厮斗一整年。 南宋李纲曾写《病牛》诗：“耕犁千亩实千箱，力尽筋疲谁复伤？但得终生皆得饱，不辞赢病卧残阳。”
写病牛耕耘千亩，使粮仓满盈，自己筋疲力尽，浑身是伤，却无人怜惜它的劳苦。病牛毫不怨尤，愿意为众生温饱继续奉献，死而后已。
这一千年前的耕牛精神，在我们熟悉的都市丛林里，不如一碗热腾腾的红烧牛肉面。
i agree with this article as well. how many people still see doctors as "selfless" and "noble"? i think in this current context, when anyone mention the word "doctor", the first thing that come to their minds would most probably be:
"wow! so smart!"
"confirm can earn big money!"
"big car!big house!"
陈晞哲－病中书
医生良莠不齐，不是指医术，而是医德。
尤其是资历浅的年轻医生可能是不懂人间疾苦，经常以不可一世的姿态视病人如草芥；偶尔看到态度可亲又尽责的医生，心里会涌起无数感动的惊叹号。
当年外祖母病重住院，临终前碰到毫无职业道德的驻院医生。看他面无表情几近冷漠，真想给他一记粉拳（小女子并非崇尚暴力），再送脑满肠肥的他一串“＊＆＃％＠”。一晃眼，外婆走了10年，我是健忘的人，但对那面目可憎的医生却还记忆犹新。
一竹竿当然不能打翻一船人，现实中还是有令我“惊为天人”的好医生。最近因食物中毒住院，就对陈笃生医院的医护人员留下了很好印象，出院后杏林芬芳还在心头萦绕。有医德的从医者会明了，一颗慈悲关爱病黎的心绝对是首要条件，高超的医术是打退病魔的利器，但病人的心理感受也应该加以体恤。仁心仁术，是好医生必备的济世才能。在古人心里，仁心尚且排在仁术之前。
古时候，“郎中”这职业并不如士农工商有社会地位，但好医生如扁鹊、华佗到今天还活在我们的记忆中，只因为他们敬业并有济世的爱心。现在的医生，收入丰厚，地位显赫，反倒有不少因为误诊或不负责任而产生医务纠纷，甚至被检举接受调查处分。这种“江湖郎中”在毕业典礼上宣誓成为医者时，可能心里想的是一叠叠花花绿绿的钞票吧！
且不论医术优劣，从医就要有起码救人扶危的道德意识。更何况弗论从事任何行业，敬业乐业是我们应该有的职业操守，
医生不善待病人是怎么都说不过去的。一个人病了已够可怜，还要忍受医生的冷嘲热讽，那种心情怎么不坠到谷底。奉劝那些动辄对病人流露丑恶嘴脸的医生，有空不妨去医医自己的心。
taken from <http://www.zaobao.com/fk/fk070522_507.html>, 22.05.07i always thought changes should be good. but looks like the world is heading towards the opposite direction.
so glad i have chosen a path that has always been dealing with money, power and influence.
i won't be living in agony later on when i enter the workforce, because i am mentally prepared for the future.
神圣的工作已经不再神圣了。how saddening.
new tag
yes, in the end, i gave in.
i put in a new tag.
i just couldn't stand it when i know there are people out there reading my blog and yet i don't know who they are.
can't stand being ignorant.
got myself into some deep s***
stupid, got myself into some deep s***. shouldn't have been so naive man.
my $70, come back to mummy! i miss you!
employer
can anyone explain why employers out there are so hard to please?
when you go for interview, they always say,"we'll contact you if you're shortlisted.".. obviously, no one (or at most most people) will not be so stupid to really go home, do nothing and just wait for them to call; people will continue their job search until they find themselves a job. and what happened when you inform them you have other interviews?
"oh! so you are not really that interested in our company and are looking for other alternatives?"
grrr...
and it is not like they are already hiring you. they just want another interview so that they can do another round of short-listing.
whatever.
next time i will not be so honest to tell them i have another interview.
new skin
as anyone can see. i changed my skin, because my previous skin picture is gone. as always. this one is even better than the previous. even simpler, even plainer, even nicer. who knows, maybe one day when someone drop by my blog and all they can see is white plain background with words on it.i like it simple.my job hunt continues, but so far i have not found anything. or rather, i found a lot, but none of them can see me.sad but true. i know i am very unlucky in looking for a job.let's see how long it will take for me to get a job. hopefully i won't stay unemployed for the rest of this holiday; that'll be a total waste of time. and my parents are not going to like it either.have not been updating my blog as blogger never failed to have problems when i log in. just added a new website link. it has quite a number of nice, little flash games in it. i had a lot of fun playing those games during the exam periods :p (to de-stress you see..)
