..for asshole..
asshole, first o all i jus wanted 2 let u noe tt i hate u 2 e core..even when u die & become ash, i'll still b able 2 recongise u..&u noe wat?..i really wish tt u would burn in hell now!!!
i realised e name "asshole" fits u so well i really dun wish 2 call u by ur real name..seriously, i dun tink u'r worthy o tt beautiful name o urs..ur presence jus insult all those hu happen 2 haf e same christian name as u..
can u jus fucking hell tell me wat u want us 2 do?..do u noe tt u'r pushing e whole class 2 e limit?!is it wat u want?r u happy 2 c us like tis?..well, since u haf already achieved tis goal, then can u pls let us off?..in e 1st place, do u eva tink tt e class's gonna fear u or sth?..it shld b v.obvious 2 u tt e class's only gonna hate u even more wat..i really dun understand y u took such a step..u'r being so stupid..e dumbest person i haf eva seen!
u want us 2 apologise 2 u..we apologise..but u kept hidin away frm us tell me wat u expect us 2 do?!..we haf a person behind our back & she kept spyin on wat we do..both o u r pushin us & u r aso hidin frm us at e same time..it's tiring u noe..u tink u'r e only 1 hu noe how 2 break-down is it?..u tink u r e only 1 hu noe how 2 cry is it?..we aso noe how 2 break-down..we aso noe how 2 cry..every1 has a limit 2 everythin u noe..u r pushing us 2 our limit & we'll go insane soon..r u happy 2 c tt 2 happen?
i haf cried my share(i tink i was mad during physics lecture, kept crying & crying non-stop..my eyes were like tapes & tears jus flow down..siao..) & i dun wish 2 let tis person affect my mood again..tt's y i sounded kinda calm here..haha..i really wish she can jus do all o us some good by requesting 2 transfer class..it'll b a win-win situation anyway..
go do my pw now..buay!
i really³ cant believe such ppl exist + OCS visit..
i really³ cant believe such ppl exist!
now i finally understand y ppl dislike asshole so much.(tis asshole originally has a name, but her name has become a forbidden word which we do not speak of&i cant find a better substitude name beside "asshole")..asshole's really nothing but a pain in e ass!!..i really cant believe asshole actually has e face 2 go & complain even further, w/o even doing some self-reflection y we dislike asshole so much..i mean if we haf no problem wif anybody except asshole, then isn't it very obvious tt e problem lies wif tt asshole, not us?
tt person, she only listen 2 asshole's parents side o story..shouted at us w/o us even openin our mouth..i can tell, she still doesnt believe us even though wat we haf said was nth but the truth!..u noe y she's so biased towards the parents?..becos she's afraid tt they'll complain about her 2 e ministry!i believe she has tis thinkin when the parents came..i dun believe any1 can b a saint & disregard their own welfare jus 4 e sake of others..wat makes her tink tt parents r always right & we r always wrong?!..jus becos the parents came 2 complain doesnt mean tt she's totally gulit-free & harmless..we haf parents aso wat..jus tt we r mature enuff not 2 alert them about tis matter becos we noe tis's our own problem..
u noe wat she want us 2 do?..she actually wanted us 2 pay asshole a visit becos asshole's sick..she want us 2 prepare a set of solutions 4 asshole & deliver it 2 assholes' doorsteps..she wanted us 2 give asshole a card & ask asshole's well-being..hahaha..y shld we do all these?..wat has she done 2 deserve such a special trestment?!..jus becos the parents came 2 complain about us does tt make asshole suddenly become a very special & important person?!..when any o us gets sick, we dun visit them wat..we aso dun make another set o solutions 4 them..those hu were sick always take initiative 2 ask others wat happen in sch!!..y shld we giv in 2 her & treat her especially nice when she doesnt deserve it!!?
the parents, all they believe's tt asshole's being bullied..y e f*ck did they interfere into tis matter?!..are they really tt bzbody & has nth better 2 do?!we'r already in JC level & yet they r doin things in such a way tt make me feel as if im still in kindergarden!..they only noe how 2 blame us..but do they eva realise ere's sth wrong wif asshole?!..i bet not, becos i tink 2 them, asshole's some1 hu's pure, innocent, harmless & "peace-loving"(asshole actually dare 2 say "i'm a peace-loving person, i also dun want all these 2 happen")..they r so protective o their child they r doin asshole harm, but y shld i care if it's harmful 4 asshole or not?it's none o my business..
asshole, let me tell u tis(even though i noe u'll never read tis)..i really cant stand u anymore..when u come back 2 sch, im not going 2 giv u any special treatment..but of cos, i wun show any displeasure when u'r near us..i wouldn't dare!(i dun wanna visit e principal's office again)..haha..do u noe tt u haf seriously made a mistake here?!..by takin tis step, u'r destroyin our neutral impression on u..u haf spolit ur own image..let me tell u str, now, i c u as nth better than a mummy's person..u dunno how 2 handle ur own problems & u only noe how 2 run 2 ur parent s 2 ask 4 help..u'r jus so immature!! haha..fancy hearing some1 so childish callin us immature!!
even if e staff & ur parents stand up 4 u & support u..the situation will never change..u'll still b hated by us, jus tt we do it behind ur back..u portrait urself as some1 hu's so innocent & as if u r e victim..u can decieve others but not us..we haf spent so much time wif u we long knew ur true colour..if ur heart really tells u tt u r totally gulit-free & haf nth wrong..then seriously, i advise u 2 go & c a doctor becos i tink ere's sth wrong wif ur brain..ask urself wat u did..ok..since u'll never noe..let me list them down 4 u..
1. if u were unhappy about sth tt we did, then y did u laugh along wif us?..u said u were stressed,so?!..do they haf any link?..by laughing along wif us, u were indicating 2 us tt u dun mind,or even like all these..and now u r blaming us..tell me wat's tis?
2. u actually haf e face 2 complain tt ur pw grp members giv u small & unimportant task 2 do..pls, ask ur conscious b4 u ever complain about tt again..ppl help u redo all ur minutes & put ur name on it..u refuse 2 do grp annotation & even e written report..u alwasy attend less than half o e meetings & yet they include ur names in..u only do e minimum requirement needed..ppl wanted 2 allocate impt task 2 u & u refuse..then ppl dun giv it 2 u u complain tt they outcast u..wat u want us 2 do then?
3. u complained tt we outcast u & always exclude u out, but did u even remember wat u told us at e beginning o term 2?!..all o us tried 2 tok 2 u & made friends wif u..but u looked so uninterested & mayb even irritated..when i asked u y were u so quiet,u told me tis:"becos there's nth 2 tok about?!"..u told 1 o us u wanted 2 b left alone..then y r u complaining now when we haf grant u ur wish?
tell me..asshole..tell me..do u even haf a heart?!
OCS Visit
we went 2 e OCS camp today..it was quite fun..but so sad..i lost all my mood after typin all those things above..so mayb i tok about it next time?!..anyway..gtg..buay!
i cant believe such ppl exist!!
i really cant believe ppl like cheryl actually exist in tis universe..mayb now i haf 2 c tis world in a different perspective..she really made my blood boil when i talked 2 her 2day..she kept repeating tt ere's nothing wrong wif her and tt e problem lies wif e class..she tink tt all o us r against her 4 no reason..tt we jus like 2 pick on her becos we feel like..she din want 2 do any self-reflection becos she tink tt she has done nth wrong(including complaining 2 e principle about our class)and tt we shld b e one hu do self-reflection..
jus one word..WAT E HELL?!..
-NIL-
tink im either mad or ere's sth wrong wif my body, yest i woke up @ 12 & i tot tt's already bad enuff..today i kinda broke my personal record by gettin up after 1pm..u noe wat's e best thing?..im feeling kinda sleepy now..*yawn*..
2day syl called me..yes!!..she called me all e way frm boston!!!..i was really surprised becos i neva expect her 2 fone me..somemore @ around midnite(she called when it's around 2am her time)..well..we chatted 4 almost 2hrs and man..i really miss tokin 2 her..it has been so long since i tok 2 some1 frm sec. sch!!..esp. syl..miss her so much..haix..we all become so bz after we enter jc we dun even haf time 4 our old frens..so sad..im quite glad she's doin fine ere(even though she only started sch on tue)..& she mayb comin back 2 S'pore!!!..yeah!then i can meet her during e end-o year hol!!!
ok..shld go do my stuff now..sian..been slackin 4 tis whole week i dunno wat im gonna do if i cant finish my revision 4 promo*touch wood*..oh well..guess i haf 2 work hard now..yeah!..starting from T.O.D.A.Y.!!!..jia you 2 every1 hu's sitting 4 any major exams soon too!!:D
die..(while enjoying MY mooncake!)
die..i'm gonna die..until today, which is already thursday(3 more days to school re-open), i still hafn't do anything at all!!..well, actually i did something, i managed to fix my computer and restall all the necessary components(printer not yet)..i spent my whole morning doing annotation 4 tis bloody article which is 14 pages long(&it's so darn useful and informative!!)and i'm currently doing my minutes..but i hafn't touch a single bit o my work lor..i'm dead tis time..
after annotating tt article, i almost died..it has so much information i wrote all over the paper..& becos ms. azian say an article needs "consistentency", so i have no choice but 2 write(or crap) up as much as i can..even in sections where it's not really applicable to our project, i wrote down reasons why therre isn't much annotations..in other words, i jus filled e articles wif W.O.R.D.S.!!it took me hours 2 complete, but when i looked at e words-filled article, e sense o satisfiction's beyond words..
ok..promo's really around the corner & i hafnt started my revision..it's alrite if i had done very well 4 common test & noe my text inside out like kenneth & liang wei..but i din..im still very lost wif my 1st semester's work..& it's worrying..in my whole life..im always lost in e beginning & i take time 2 understand & get into e "situation"..like when i jus came 2 S'pore, i took around half a year 2 catch up wif sch work..then when i reached sec. level..i was completely lost in sec 1, i din noe wat was happening& of cos, obviously, i flunked all my tests(except chinese& chinese literature)..it took me aso around half a yr 2 adapt aso..in both cases, i was(and still am)completely clueless about wat was going on & i din manage 2 catch them back(i mean wat's e point?i dun need my sec 1 stuff 4 O'lvl)
all these happened & it din really affect me cos i was young..but now it's DIFFERENT!!!..i'm already half way thru my A'lvl course & i'll b sitting 4 my A'lvl next yr!!..e thing tt's worrying me e most's promo..im really afraid tt i cant pass it..and yet i dunno hu & where i shld look 4 help cos..i'm jus so clueless!!..i dun wanna ask my frens&classmates cos i tink it'll b irritating&disturbing..i wanted 2 ask my tutors but e big problem here's..i dun even noe wat exactly im unsure of!!..it's like whenever i read my notes i can understand..but all e questions prove me wrong!u noe, tt actually i may not know my text at all..haix..such a big problem im facing rite?tt i dun even noe wat's e exact problem..
mayb coming 2 JC's really a big mistake..*sigh*..
Regrets..
yeah!..finally!..after mre than a month, i'm back online!!!..i finally got all e virus problems fixed!(i hope it's fixed..=P)..
quite a lot of things happened lately..1st and most impt o all..i had fever..again...i was never tis weak b4..1st time in my life i had fever twice in a year..somemore in less than half a yr's time..i dunno y..but on e wed nite..fever jus came..& it hit 39 degree..scary xia..
ok..on Sunday while i was ironing my uniforms..tis thought suddenly came to my mind..did i have any regrets in my life?..and unfortunately, my answer 2 tis question is 'yes'..so far, my biggest regret in life is tt i joined Band in secondary school..ok..mayb 2 lots of ppl, CCA isn't really a big deal..i mean, if u dun like it, then it's alrite wat..it wun affect ur life much..wat's more impt in S'pore is ur O'lvl score..so y bother wif ur CCA, esp. it's already over, it's a "past-tense"..
i agree tt it's already a "past-tense"..but e memories r not erasable..& sometimes it does haunt me..i really made a mistake by joining band in sec. school...not becos i hate music or my instrument..it's e pple in it tt were giving me goosebumps..the SNSB culture jus freaked me out..i was so naive & din noe wat's i in 4 when i 1st joined..haiz..if i could turn back time, i wouldn't even tink about joing band again..at least not in my sec. sch..
y does it bother me so much?..when i was in sec sch, i din haf tis problem..i jus live wif it..i treated it like a small pimples on my back(dislike it but cant really b bothered about it)..but now..when im in jc & my classmates r frm diff sec sch..i feel sad..im so sad becos i hated my CCA while my other frens enjoyed theirs..a very good example..sh loves his CCA..& he's still loving it..he always tells me stories about his CCA life & how enjoyable were they..& e friendships he had in scout..even till now..he takes time off sometimes 2 go back & take part in scout activities..then wheneva i spoke about my CCA, unhappy memories made up e majority..everytime we tok about CCA, i always feel so ashamed..becos i din enjoyed my CCA as much as e others do..& mine's filled wif unhappy memories..
i hate e way it's being run and i hate e culture in it..e pple inside..even though not every single one of them r tt detestable, but e majority r..by joining tis stupid CCA, i learnt nothing!..ok..i learnt how 2 b a hypocrite, i learnt how 2 backstab others, i learnt how 2 b cunning and achieve things by ALL means..
those ppl frm band, esp. those how spent 4 yrs wif me..taught me nothing but how tis real world is..that life's not a bed of roses, but more like a bed of thorn & u haf 2 learn how 2 protest urself so u can minimise e hurt u get..
they forced me 2 grow up..force me 2 face them wif masks..u noe ere's tis saying.."u noe y ppl wear masks when they interact wif others?becos they 'mei nian jian ren'(no face 2 face others)"..haha..mine wasnt tis case, it's becos they all put on masks when we r in band, so y shld i face them wif my real self?
they taught me 2 hide my feelings, i detested all of them but becos i still want 2 survive in band, i had no choice but kept all my feelings within..they taught me 2 b competitive, 2 fight 4 sth by all means..
they showed me that in order 2 survive & achieve sth in tis cruel reality, being mere hardworking's no use, u wun succeed in tt way..u haf 2 use some ways 2 get it..like backstab others.."suck up" 2 ppl hu can give ur career a big push..
haix..mayb all these r good 4 me becos im not so naive anymore..i haf had a taste o how tis real world's like..but if u ask me, i wun wanna try again..
i'm back!!
haha..finally..after weeks..i finally managed 2 get my computer fix(actually it's not really done cos i jus did a virus scan & ere'r still 4 virus in my computer now.. & i still cant use my printer & msn)..haf been really bz lately..ok..actually i m not "really" bz..it's jus tt i dun feel like doing stuff and i keep pushing them backwards & tt's y now i m left wif even more work 2 do..u noe..like a snowball rolling down a hill, it gets bigger & bigger..oh well..i really lost e mood 2 work hard..tink i really need some1 2 b rite beside me & force me 2 study..haiz..how i wish i haf some1 hu can do e job..
sth really happy happened..ok..again..i wasnt really happy..like overjoy tt kind..but it's sth good lah..4 e 1st time in my jc life(sounds long but actually only 9mth)..i got A 4 my CLA compo..70%..haha..feel quite proud o myself though..but i tink i will still drop CLA next year..becos i rather spend my time studying maths, chem & phy(yes..i really dislike phy but i will still prefer studying tt than CLA)..dun ask me y..i jus haf tis feeling..
k..shld go check out other websites now..i miss e internet!!!haha..& mayb next time when im free..i may post my tt A-graded compo..haha..jus 2 show off!!!*evil laughter*
