今天
自从我进了大学以来，从来都没有睡到超过早上11点。但今天，我打破自己的纪录；11 30am!
*不是我很累，使我自己强迫自己睡下去的；睡够了也要
硬硬继续睡..
晚一点起来，就晚一点才需要面对
我知道逃避是懦夫的行为，但如果我逞强，又有谁会当我是英雄？
起来时眼睛肿到不行，差点打不开；头痛到有点神志不清。以后真的不要再这样睡，迟早会闹出人命。
一整天下来，什么也没干着。就只会发呆-- 在书桌上，在床上； 坐着，站着，躺着，趴着...
做什么东西都提不起劲，一只觉得肩膀很沉、很沉... 好像有一种无形的力压在身上, 隨时都有"下一秒就垮"的感觉。
今天的我，跟行尸走肉没什么两样。
突然发现，以前那个悲观、黑暗的我又回来了。这次，她把原来的我完全给吞噬了。而原来的我，已经魂飞魄散了...
我想要把魂魄给找回来，应该要好一段时间吧...
以后别人所看到的我，是戴着面具的我；是在装快乐的悲观的我。
原来真正的我几时才会回来？
only god knows.
.
i am very upset.
will anyone ever be happy when their thoughts are not be appreciated, and efforts put in are being denied?
but the thing that upset me most is not this; this is only the starting of the problem.
i was desperately looking for someone who can just listen to me, let me cry all i want in the phone, and maybe console me and help me see the bigger picture. was running through all the names i can remember in my mind. and sadly, nobody appeared to be suitable candidate; i am just not that close enough to anyone i know.
the person who is supposed to be playing this role, sadly, turned his back on me; his daily routine, apparently, is more important than my sorrow.
utterly dispaired.
nobody was there when i needed someone most. or rather,
i could not find anybody when i needed someone most.sadly, isn't it? but i guess that is
the cruel reality.
now i think i can better understand why people choose to commit suicide, rather than facing the problem -- they cannot find any help around them. when everyone around you turn their back on you, will you have the courage to face the problem all by yourself? and since those closest to you, whom supposed to be the one that care most for you, are not willing to give a helping hand, or lend you a listening ear, what makes you think that those strangers on the other end of those help-line can be of help?
tonight, i experienced the cold, hard reality; tonight, i found out that my pillow can comfort me best; and tonight, i learnt that i can never depend on anyone, and i mean ANYONE, besides myself.
parents are as reliable as other people. sometimes, they can be the ones who hurt you most.
am i being selfish? i want people to be always there for me but i don't practice that myself. but isn't everyone like that?
we are all born selfish.
i just don't understand why he couldn't detect the distress in my voice. did he changed? or it is me who have changed? or both of us have changed?
so not in the mood to talk.
World's most premature baby thriving MIAMI - The world's most premature living baby, born at 21 weeks and six days, is headed home after spending four months in a neonatal intensive care unit, Baptist Children's Hospital in Miami has announced. 'It was hard to imagine she would get this far
adapted from: The Straits Times Interactive, <http://www.straitstimes.com/portal/sti/search/Search.jsp>, 21/02/07去年10月出世时重284克、身长24公分世界最小早产婴 奇迹般存活回家（迈阿密综合电）世界最小的早产婴孩出世时，身长比圆珠笔还要短，人们都以为她活不了，但是她却奇迹般地存活下来，而且还在昨天出院回家与妈妈团聚。
这个早产婴名叫阿米利阿·泰勒（Amillia Taylor），在去年10月24日呱呱落地。
阿米利阿的母亲索妮娅接受体外授精手术后怀了她，可是却出现各种危险征兆。
美国佛罗里达州肯德尔镇浸信会儿童医院的接生小组曾多次试图推迟产期，不过都失败了。他们最终决定在索尼娅怀胎21个星期又6天时为她剖腹接生；正常的分娩期是在怀孕后的37至40个星期。
阿米利阿出世时，体重只有284克（9.94安士），身长24公分（9.5英寸）。但是，她一出娘胎已能自行呼吸，还几次作出啼哭的努力。
在开始的六周，索尼娅只获准透过塑料布看望她的宝宝，一直到今年3月才有机会把孩子抱在怀里。
不过，经过医护人员不分昼夜和无微不至的照顾，在新生儿加护病房住了四个月的阿米利阿，终于在昨天出院了。
索妮娅欣然地说：“很难想像她能够坚持这么久，现在她看上去已和正常婴儿没有分别……虽然她现在只有4英磅（1.8公斤），但对我来说，她已经是又圆又胖了。”
“她确是个神奇婴儿”
医生说，阿米利阿现在已活泼成长，可以让父母带回家照顾。不过，阿米利阿仍须服食哮喘药和协助皮肤生长的维生素E。她的父母为她洗澡时也必须采取特别防范措施，并为她补充氧气。
adapted from: 联合早报网 zaobao.com，<http://www.zaobao.com/gj/gj070221_501.html>, 21/02/07
*sorry, can't get the full report from straits times website, so i attached the zaobao version as well.
was so amazed when i read this news this morning.
just imagine, a 21-weeks old baby is born and survived.
21 weeks, that is around 5 months old only. and to think that some people can actually abort their babies around then.
i'm not an extreme pro-life person. i just feel that people who abort their babies just because they don't feel like having a child , or the baby is an unwanted "accident", are so cruel. i esecially cannot understand those people who have pre-martial sex and go for abortion when they are pregnant.
if you don't want a child, then don't ever do it before you get married!
think of the consequences before you want to take another step further, people.
life is precious.
irritated
suddenly i feel so irritated. feel irritated towards this person.
or actually it's not that sudden; i did not really like him/her right from the beginning, but the feeling is getting so strong now i just couldn't hide it anymore.
he/she is so annoying.
grr.
i just don't understand why so people can stand rubbish like that. i guess everyone has different level of tolerance for craps. sadly, my tolerance towards him/her has just reached the maximum; i can no longer endure this kind of stupid crap from a 20 years old.
don't understand why some people never grow up. i am not insulting those who stop growing physically (i am one of them who stop growing since lower secondary!); i mean those who stopped, or rather, refused to let their mental self grow and mature. they are still stuck at the secondary, 14,15 years old level, which i find it so disgusting.
come on, people.
grow up.
and before you do, don't ever dream of talking to me again.
talk to my hand instead.
Happy Lunar New Year! =)
我
超爱传统节日。
中秋是我的最爱；冬至永远都有一股让我深深着迷的魅力；而新年是我最享受的节日。(because in singapore, there is only holiday for CNY..haha)
新年有红包拿，有好吃的新年食品，还可以去办年货！=）
但我觉得，新年的好，不只是以上的那一些原因。我喜欢新年，也因为唯有新年，整个城市才会散布着浓浓的华人传统气息。
有可能很多人都不喜欢过年，嫌它麻烦，嫌它俗气，但到头来，他们都会乖乖地跟别人一样，购一个传统的新年。
my chinese is really getting bad, can't form complete sentences.. sigh.. so not satisfied with what i wrote above.. must really practice more man..
practice makes perfect!
v.day.
wow! so today is valentine's day.
but so what if it is?
will the earth stop spinning? or will time stop, maybe for the lovebirds who wish that today will last forever?
i don't believe in v-day. it used to be very meaningful; in memoirs of father valentine, who died trying to help couples to get married (i will skip the details, go look out for the whole story if anyone is interested)
but now, what has it become? commercialised. Commercialised. COMMERCIALISED! when do you not see businesses using v-day as an excuse to encourage consumers to buy useless stuff, things that they claimed can "show your love"?
i rather celebrate it in my own way.
只要心中有爱，天天都是情人节。所以我们又何必随波逐流？
i was ill, for a day or so, luckily i have recovered. if not, i would be complaining, again.
lol. can't stop complaining.
went jean yip with van today and pretended as their potential clients. it was so funny 'cause the two of us had to look interested in their slimming programme. luckily our trick worked; we picked up a few loop holes here and there.
doing survey is not easy, especially in heartland areas like AMK. had to translate the survey to chinese and asked them verbally. tried giving the form to a respondent, results? she
anyhow filled in the form!
sigh, guess manipulation is necessary in any form of studies, especially when we are doing it for school work.
i am so awake. shouldn't have slept in the afternoon..
last post was on 27/1. lol. hopefully my blog doesn't look abandoned.
i've been really busy lately, but i am not sure what exactly i am busy with.
瞎忙。
went to watch "happy birthday" last week. it is a nice show. it makes me wonder: do love like that truly exist nowadays? or was it ever here, in this world?
the story is fictional; it's written by Rene Liu (the female lead), it is something that she had came up with. so, can i say that love like that only exist in our imagination?
if that is really the case, then i would rather be living in the imaginative world.
today received a PAssion card, with my name, and my CC (Punggol CC!) printed on it. went to check their website, subscription fee is $10. i don't remember signing up for the card, less so i paid such a big sum of money (relatively) for a card that i don't need.
did everyone receive a card like this?
am i ignorant, or am i really unique?
family of hell is going to have a second episode. same director, but starring a totally different family. this time, i know it will be much worse than the previous one.
i really don't want to see it, but i know it will definitely be showing in late march. after all, the money is already in, and the camera has already started rolling.
i just don't understand why he never learn from his past mistakes.
so disappointed.
i will, and i am already hating march.
