pieces of me

Regrets..

yeah!..finally!..after mre than a month, i'm back online!!!..i finally got all e virus problems fixed!(i hope it's fixed..=P)..

quite a lot of things happened lately..1st and most impt o all..i had fever..again...i was never tis weak b4..1st time in my life i had fever twice in a year..somemore in less than half a yr's time..i dunno y..but on e wed nite..fever jus came..& it hit 39 degree..scary xia..

ok..on Sunday while i was ironing my uniforms..tis thought suddenly came to my mind..did i have any regrets in my life?..and unfortunately, my answer 2 tis question is 'yes'..so far, my biggest regret in life is tt i joined Band in secondary school..ok..mayb 2 lots of ppl, CCA isn't really a big deal..i mean, if u dun like it, then it's alrite wat..it wun affect ur life much..wat's more impt in S'pore is ur O'lvl score..so y bother wif ur CCA, esp. it's already over, it's a "past-tense"..

i agree tt it's already a "past-tense"..but e memories r not erasable..& sometimes it does haunt me..i really made a mistake by joining band in sec. school...not becos i hate music or my instrument..it's e pple in it tt were giving me goosebumps..the SNSB culture jus freaked me out..i was so naive & din noe wat's i in 4 when i 1st joined..haiz..if i could turn back time, i wouldn't even tink about joing band again..at least not in my sec. sch..

y does it bother me so much?..when i was in sec sch, i din haf tis problem..i jus live wif it..i treated it like a small pimples on my back(dislike it but cant really b bothered about it)..but now..when im in jc & my classmates r frm diff sec sch..i feel sad..im so sad becos i hated my CCA while my other frens enjoyed theirs..a very good example..sh loves his CCA..& he's still loving it..he always tells me stories about his CCA life & how enjoyable were they..& e friendships he had in scout..even till now..he takes time off sometimes 2 go back & take part in scout activities..then wheneva i spoke about my CCA, unhappy memories made up e majority..everytime we tok about CCA, i always feel so ashamed..becos i din enjoyed my CCA as much as e others do..& mine's filled wif unhappy memories..

i hate e way it's being run and i hate e culture in it..e pple inside..even though not every single one of them r tt detestable, but e majority r..by joining tis stupid CCA, i learnt nothing!..ok..i learnt how 2 b a hypocrite, i learnt how 2 backstab others, i learnt how 2 b cunning and achieve things by ALL means..

those ppl frm band, esp. those how spent 4 yrs wif me..taught me nothing but how tis real world is..that life's not a bed of roses, but more like a bed of thorn & u haf 2 learn how 2 protest urself so u can minimise e hurt u get..

they forced me 2 grow up..force me 2 face them wif masks..u noe ere's tis saying.."u noe y ppl wear masks when they interact wif others?becos they 'mei nian jian ren'(no face 2 face others)"..haha..mine wasnt tis case, it's becos they all put on masks when we r in band, so y shld i face them wif my real self?

they taught me 2 hide my feelings, i detested all of them but becos i still want 2 survive in band, i had no choice but kept all my feelings within..they taught me 2 b competitive, 2 fight 4 sth by all means..

they showed me that in order 2 survive & achieve sth in tis cruel reality, being mere hardworking's no use, u wun succeed in tt way..u haf 2 use some ways 2 get it..like backstab others.."suck up" 2 ppl hu can give ur career a big push..

haix..mayb all these r good 4 me becos im not so naive anymore..i haf had a taste o how tis real world's like..but if u ask me, i wun wanna try again..

posted by +abrac[A]dabra+ @ 16:34