pieces of me

.

i am very upset.

will anyone ever be happy when their thoughts are not be appreciated, and efforts put in are being denied?

but the thing that upset me most is not this; this is only the starting of the problem.

i was desperately looking for someone who can just listen to me, let me cry all i want in the phone, and maybe console me and help me see the bigger picture. was running through all the names i can remember in my mind. and sadly, nobody appeared to be suitable candidate; i am just not that close enough to anyone i know.

the person who is supposed to be playing this role, sadly, turned his back on me; his daily routine, apparently, is more important than my sorrow.

utterly dispaired.


nobody was there when i needed someone most. or rather, i could not find anybody when i needed someone most.

sadly, isn't it? but i guess that is the cruel reality.


now i think i can better understand why people choose to commit suicide, rather than facing the problem -- they cannot find any help around them. when everyone around you turn their back on you, will you have the courage to face the problem all by yourself? and since those closest to you, whom supposed to be the one that care most for you, are not willing to give a helping hand, or lend you a listening ear, what makes you think that those strangers on the other end of those help-line can be of help?

tonight, i experienced the cold, hard reality; tonight, i found out that my pillow can comfort me best; and tonight, i learnt that i can never depend on anyone, and i mean ANYONE, besides myself.
parents are as reliable as other people. sometimes, they can be the ones who hurt you most.

am i being selfish? i want people to be always there for me but i don't practice that myself. but isn't everyone like that?
we are all born selfish.


i just don't understand why he couldn't detect the distress in my voice. did he changed? or it is me who have changed? or both of us have changed?


so not in the mood to talk.

posted by +abrac[A]dabra+ @ 23:50