pieces of me

jus a thought..

i feel really sad.. sth happened late last nite, after tt i started 2 tink back.. i realised tt 4 my whole life, i was neva given a real chance to make any important decisions.. i was being forced 2 do all e 'big' things in my life.. let me give some examples, when i was in primary sch in hk, my dad asked me 2 choose if i wanna go s'pore 2 study, i chose not 2 go, but in e end, i was still forced 2 come here (if i disobey my dad, he said he'ld disown me).. then when i was in secondary school, i was forced by my dad 2 take e subject combination i took, they forced me 2 take geography even though i was more interested in history at tt time.. i was also forced by e sch 2 take pure literature-in-english (ok, almost every1 in my sch'r forced 2 take tis subject).. when i go 2 junior college, i was again being forced by e school & my dad 2 take e subject combination im taking now(i really haf no interest in physics).. i feel that im so pathetic..im already so old(im 18, going on 19) & yet ppl ard me are still forcing me 2 do things & dun gimme a chance 2 make any impt decisions..

mayb u can call me 'cheap'(jian4).. becos i cant blame them all totally, it's aso partly my fault.. y? becos i always regret e decision i made, so how can any1 entrust any impt task 2 me? jus take choosing jc as e example, i was given e freedom 2 choose e jc which i wanna go 2, even though my L1R5 wasnt tt fantastic, but it could bring me 2 another jc which's much nearer 2 my hse, i shld haf chosen tt sch wat.. i mean hu noe? mayb tt sch'll b diff, they may allow me 2 take up subject i like, unlike tis sch, which has so many restrictions.. im not really regretting tt much now.. cos in less than a year's time, i'll b leaving tis sch.. anyway, all i wanna say's tt i tink im 'jian4', i complained when ppl dun gimme a chance 2 choose e life i wanna lead, but when im given e chance2 choose, i'll most probably regret it afterwards..

i hate it when ppl forced me 2 do anything tt i dun like, seriously.. hu like it? i hate it even more when ppl start blackmailing me emotional, which is y i dislike my dad so much.. i tink ppl hu uses emotional blackmail r most despisable.. they'r really cunning.. i hate them!

i shall not complain abt those 'big' decisions, cos they do it 4 my own good.. but how abt 'small' decisions like wat 2 buy or whether 2 go out? i mean my life is already controlled by others, i really dun want others 2 control tt little freedom im left wif.. like 4 example, if i dun wanna do something, dun force me, cos it's 1 of e small things tt im left wif..y must u try 2 take tt right frm me? i dun wanna b pushed ard 4 e rest o my life.. u can b unhappy 4 all u want, but pls dun try 2 do anything 2 make me feel like i haf made some kind o mistake. i din.

posted by +abrac[A]dabra+ @ 14:15