pieces of me

grief

read my post on 28/5 again just now.. i have already lost count of the number of times i read that entry.. especially not long after she died.. i read it more than 5 times a day and i could never finish reading it, 'cause before i reached the end of the post, my vision was so blurred i couldn't read what is on the monitor..

time flies.. it is going to be 4 months after she died.. and guess what? i still feel very sad when i read that post.. i couldn't help it, i guess i really miss her alot.. i love her a lot more than i thought.. maybe i still can't bring myself to believe that she is gone.. or maybe, subconsciously, i feel that i am partly responsible for her death.. i was not a good owner.. that i shortened her life by at least half.. i feel guilty..

surprisingly, it has only been four months and i actually forgot some of the things i have written in that post.. i forgot she used to like me pet her and stroke her at those particular spots; i forgot how she used to run about when we shifted her back from basket to her cage; i forgot just how lovable and adorable she was; i forgot what a cute hammie she was; i forgot... ...

time heals all wounds, how ture is that.. it's only four months and i have forgotten so much about her, what will happen if it is four years later? when i am at the end of my life, wold i still remember her? i am afraid of losing her and the memories she gave me.. i have already lost her once, to the death god, i don't want to lose her again, this time to time..

i want to hold onto all the memories, not only memories of her , but the rest of my memories as well.. i don't want to let anything go and completely lose it for the rest of my life, but i know it's impossible, everyone has to move on with life and in the process, we have to give something up in order for new things to come.. how i wish i can prove this statement wrong, but i know, it's just not possible..

clinging onto every pieces of my memory..

posted by +abrac[A]dabra+ @ 22:18