pieces of me

A Final Goodbye

in loving memory of the late



xiao ai, my beloved hamster,
departed on 27th May, 2006

i still can't really accept the fact that she's gone now.. i mean, how can it be? she was still alive, in her basket, eating her favourite food yesterday..

but she's gone.. really gone.. gone forever..

still remember the time when sh & i bought them from the pet shop, we were looking at xiao chun for a very long time, he was the one who decide on buying xiao chun, & i was the one who chose xiao ai.. out of the two female hamsters in the cage, i chose her.. i guess that's fate..

xiao ai had been staying in my house for half a year.. in this half a year, i found out that xiao ai's character resemble mine alot, & that always brought me a lot of laughter.. never did i consider myself as a very good owner, but i think at least, at some point of time, i did bring her some joy & happiness.. like when i fed her her favourite food & when i pet her to sleep.. i really hope she felt gald to have me as her owner..


xiao ai looked so serene..

independent
xiao ai was a very independent hamster, up to a point you can call her solitary.. she hated it when we disturbed her (that's why we loved disturbing her!) everytime we tried to touch her, she would jerked & give us a stare like this one..

isn't she just so adorable? haha.. so fierce yet so adorable.. i just can't stop loving her, even after she's gone..

rough
xiao ai loved to tear tissue paper, every morning i would give her some tissue paper before i go for work, and she would start tearing and biting until you could not recognise it anymore.. biting tissue was one of her favourite past-time (besides running on the wheel).. and we had pampered her so much until she was even picky with the quality of the paper.. once i had given her a lower quality one (very soft & felt a bit damped), when i came home, the tissue remained on the floor, untouched.. she liked to bite paper as well, but not all kinds of paper.. she only bite those that are of good quality (ie, heavier ones).. she bite a corner off my letter from NUS(the one informing us about the PIN).. still remember she loved that paper so much she held onto it with both hands when she was biting, reluctant to let go..

xiao ai always filed her teeth using her wheel stand.. and everytime she filed her teeth, we'ld know, because she would make a lot of noise(c'mon! she was biting plastic!) and she would start kicking the air with her hind legs, while her hands would cling onto the wheel and her whole body would be moving very vigorously, especially her head.. so rough right? not behaving like a female at all.. but that's what made xiao ai unique..


xiao ai sleeping..(she hardly sleep like this)

petty
later on in the year, when she was getting used to us (as in my mum & i), she started to let us touch her, but but but.. only for a period of time.. as in, only in the evening, from 7++ untill 8++, she would let us sayang her then.. she always look like this when we pet her

her whole body would relax & lay flat on the floor.. i bet she loved it a lot.. like dogs, she loved it most when i stroked her on her neck(yes!hamsters have neck, even though you may not see it) and behind her right ear.. she enjoyed it so much she could fall asleep..

not only she hated people touch her, she hated it when we touched her belongings as well.. she always gave us that stare whenever we removed her teared tissue paper.. there was this time when my mum moved some of her tissue paper to a corner in her basket.. guess what's her reaction? she stared at my mum and her hand.. once my mum placed the tissue on the floor & her hand was out of sight, xiao ai walked to that spot immediately and stuff all the tissue into her mouth, & placed them back at where she had initially put it.. see.. isn't she evil.. haha.. just like me..


xiao ai in her tissue paper mess

smart
xiao ai, unlike other hamsters, had a rather good memory.. she could remember things that took place a few weeks ago.. and that's why we always have problem conning her to bathe.. because she remembered the methods we used.. for example, we conned her into her wheel, then transfer into the sink, and it only work once, the next time she refused even to step near the wheel(i guess she could sense that we were "up to no good") so we tried shoe box, toilet paper roll.. all sorts of other containers.. remember there was this time my mum conned her out of her cage, telling her to go into her basket, she walked through the toilet roll happily until she sensed something was wrong (i think she could smell water of something), guess what was her reaction after that? she walked backwards, tried to moved back into her cage.. but my mum was cleverer, in the end, she still dropped into the sink and had her bath.. after this incident, she dared not come out of her cage for a few weeks.. had to do some "investigation" before stepping out of her cage into her basket..

do you know that xiao ai could recognise her name? everytime we called her (either "xiao ai eh.." or "xiao ai yo!"), she would look up and start sniffing.. we trained her to understand her name.. and she was clever enough to learn that..

we let xiao ai out in her basket in the day ('cause it's more spacious) & let her return to her cage at night (cozy).. and whenever we let her return to her cage, we always tilt the basket unitl it's low enough for her to crawl into the entrance.. xiao ai was a fast learner, in less than a few days' time, she learned that and since then, everytime we started to remove her stuff at night, she would know it's time to go "home"; started to get restless and kept running towards the four corners of the baskets, trying to jump out 'cause she could not wait to go back to her cozy cage..


a rare look at her mouth.. when she's sleeping.. haha

loving and caring
xiao ai, just like her name (her name is "little love" while translating it directly) was very loving and caring.. you see, while normal female hamsters kill their own offspring after human touch them, xiao ai did not.. that time when she gave birth, she was still staying in sh's house..and because sh's mother dislikes dirtiness alot and could not stand seeing the mess xiao ai made in the cade, she changed the bedding, with her bare hands, on the day xiao ai gave birth to her babies.. but instead of eating them all (because they then carry the human scent), she continued to feed & keep them warm.. so sad all died not long after..

after xiao chun died, sh seperated xiao ai and xiao xiao.. one day, out of mischief, he placed xiao ai into his cage.. and since xiao xiao was in puberty, he kept sniffing xiao ai's butt & want to hop on her (think he forgot she's his mother).. instead of fighting with xiao xiao (she always fought with xiao chun because she didn't want), she just ran.. she kept running and hiding away from xiao xiao.. i think she could remember that was her son, and that's why she didn't bare to attack..

how i miss her so..

greedy
xiao ai loved to eat(like owner, like pet!=]), especially all those type of food that is either sweet (like papaya, apples, cai xin, soya bean milk, milo, coffee(?!), nian gao, gou ci[this chinese herb that is sweet], raisins, etc) or food that's super high in carbohydrates (like man tou, cakes, pandan cakes, swiss rolls, bread, rice, noodles(she was holding onto a small section of noodle, using her hands!), biscuits, breakfast cereal, etc).. everytime we eat these food in front of her, she would go "hay-wire": start sniffing around non-stop, giving this expression that she want to eat, and try to stretch her body(upwards) so that she can reach for the food..


xiao ai eating papaya, one of her all-time fav.(my mum was feeding her)

strong will
a few months after we bought xiao chun & ai, they fought.. and it was so serious that xiao chun actually bite her tail off, her private part was injured and the fur around her butt was bitten off as well.. we were so scared, thought she would not survived (there were blood in the cage), but she did..

i remembered there were a few incidents took place in my house that could have taken her fragile, glass-like life away.. like the first time we helped her bathe, i put too much water in the bowl and she struggled.. not long after she stopped struggling and she float on the water, my mum & i was so scared she would die just like that.. 'cause she was lying in the sink, heart did not seem like beating.. but in the end, she vomitted some water out & her was normal again..

another time my mum bathed her & she kept pouring water into her face.. then not long after she lost conscious again.. after awhile, she vomitted water out and was well again..

last month she accidentally injured her tumour and she lost a lot of blood(more blood than i ever see in my life).. she kept peeling the blood clot which made her bleeding worse.. for a week she looked so weak and ill.. thought she was dying.. but she survived once again..

who knows she couldn't survive this time.. i guess her will power was at the limit..



fierce
xiao ai is very fierce you know.. the most fierce hamsters i have ever seen.. she bit me twice (missed me by a lot of times), once on my nail and another time on my fourth finger and it bled.. i was so angry with her i flicked her butt twice.. she got so scared she went to hide behind her wheel(she always did that when she's afraid.. her wheel was her everything).. she bit me just when i was adjusting her wheel for her and my hand stopped for a moment.. she always attacked something that's stationary.. and ran away if it's mobile..

still remember that time after NUS Open House, i brought home a NUS lion and i gave it to xiao ai, her reaction was so hilarious: at first she did not realised that i have place something foreign in her basket & so she was roaming about as usual.. and when she saw that "giantic" lion, you could tell that she was shocked, she just suddenly stopped, raised her head, saw the lion, and ran away! haha.. after not long, curiousity overcome her fear & she slowly approached the lion.. she was walking like she was doing "leopard crawl".. she touched it & ran of again.. then after a few tries and she realised that the lion is just an object, she started to attack it! she bit the legs, then the hands & then later the head, non-stop!.. haha.. so fierce yet so cowardy..


once my xiao ai.. forever my xiao ai

last but not least, xiao ai is CUTE, probably the cutest hammie on earth
one day during the Chinese New Year, my mum was frying some nian gao(CNY Cake)and xiao ai smelt the aroma and i bet she loved the smell (because she kept looking into the kitchen, with her nose sniffing non-stop!) then later on, my mum gave her a bit and she went "hay-wire" again.. kept biting and putting nian gao into her mouth.. and as you all know, nian gao is chewy, i still remember her expression when she was chewing it: a look of contentment, happiness ('cause it's sweet), with a tinge of tireness ('cause i think it's too chewy and it stuck on her teeth).. what an adorable face..

there was this morning i saw xiao ai playing with the bell (actually i don't know if she was really playing or she was fighting it 'cause that bell sort of irritate her).. she was trying to bite and catch the bell with her hands.. then later on i think she wanted to try climbing it.. and since it's only hung on a piece of string, it's unstable.. and she fell flat on the floor, the expression on her cutie little face was so hilarious.. i will never forget her..

still remember there was this time she wanted to bite my mother but she missed it.. my mother was so angry she took the toilet paper roll to "attack" her: use it to scratch her back.. she kept trying to run away, hiding in all the possible places she could find, but my mum still wouldn't let her off.. in the end, she gave up running, she ran towards the bell, bite onto it with all her strength(my mum said her body was trembling) and her hands on the other toilet roll for support, and she let my mum stratched all she wanted.. when my mum stopped, she walked away immediately.. then when my mum wanted to start another round of her "attack", xiao ai immediately ran back to the bell and bite onto it again..

tell me.. where else can you find such an adorable hamster?


i miss her really badly, but i know it's a relief for her, she was suffering in these few weeks, with a big tumour growing on her small, tiny body, obstructing her heartbeat & breath.. diabetes that was worsening as days went by.. and a blood pressure so high to a point it scared me.. her fur was dropping, her cheeks were sinking in.. her weight was losing in an alarming speed.. the tumour was so huge one of her limbs couldn't move much (in her last few days she was hopping around with her three limbs).. she was in a really bad condition.. in the last few days of her life, all she did was lay down on the floor, or sit up, and stared into the blank space.. she didn't run about; didn't run on her wheel; did not run through her tunnels(toilet paper roll); didn't file her teeth vigorously using the stand.. not anymore..

it hurts me so much to see her suffer.. i should feel happy that she's finally free from all these suffering she seriously did not deserve.. and yet, i just cannot stop mising her.. she had left too much behind.. her teethmark everywhere, her food, the water that was just replenished yesterday, her bedding, her shampoo, her run-about ball, her toys.. i just can't help it.. i really miss her alot..

however, i know someday i will stop thinking about her, one day, i will stop missing her.. just like what happened to xiao chun and xiao xiao.. but i know, for sure, i will never forget my dear little hamster, xiao ai, she'll live on, in a special place in my heart, forever and ever..

goodbye, xaio ai.. may you find eternal peace and happiness in the place you have gone to.. and promise me you'll live happily ever after with xiao chun, xiao xiao, and all your other babies, okay?


"maybe my love will come back someday.. only heaven knows.."

posted by +abrac[A]dabra+ @ 20:38